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Pastors are often asked questions about all kinds of topics. To me personally, it can be a daunting thing because what I say to others can have an affect on them. It may be good or it may not produce the results I would prefer. There are many varied reasons of course, one of which is that the hearer always has the option to listen carefully or not. Some people seem to close their ears at times and no amount talking, even if the truth hits them in the face, will change what they choose to accept or reject. They can receive the word in the ways I have been recently discussing based on Mark chapter 4 in Jesus’ parable of the seed. One could say something that is true and is both received and acted upon to gain the desired outcome, but what has been said may be interpreted according to preconceived perceptions, biases or prejudices and thus the whole exercise is fruitless. They just do not want to hear. It is possible for God to send someone in the office of a prophet to advise or give counsel or even warn another person about something, only to have it shrugged off and disregarded. I’ve had the Lord instruct me to warn someone of a situation and it fell on fertile soil and helped them immensely, but there have also been many times when the warning is ignored. That’s life! It is biblical also. God often told His prophets to go to the people or an individual with a message that He knew would be rejected. He told the prophet in advance that it would be spurned—but the prophet still had to go and deliver that message. See Ezekiel chapters 3 and 33.

On the other hand, when talking with someone, I am acutely conscious that my words can be acted upon and have an affect. If I am in error, it is easy for the other person to come back later and accuse me...”You told me!” False accusations are also part of the ministry life. Some people have told others we advised them to do a certain thing. We never did that! They had already made up their minds on what they wanted to do and when things do not work out, they made us a scapegoat. It’s easy to blame someone else for what they wanted to do regardless and it never worked out.  All we did was to try to help them or encourage them. We knew it would not be good for them, but they did not want to listen. Many times, people do not want to conform, or do not want to hear the truth, or want to do what they have already decided on beforehand.

This is one reason why I constantly apply self-check mechanisms. I do not want to be found guilty of not telling the truth or going off half-cocked on anything. When the Lord took me to hell for 45 minutes several years ago (and I never want that experience again), I saw pastors in hell because they never told the truth and people believed them, resulting in everyones’ demise. I do not want to be held accountable for anyone’s life. I often relate to other pastors who have a real and genuine track record for similar reasons. One would be a fool to think he knows everything and cannot make a mistake. That is where deception starts.

Anyhow, I said all that to say that people sometimes talk about sensitive and often personal matters. I do not counsel others and dislike it. I do not doubt that good counselors are very well trained professionals, but they usually deal with matters on a purely intellectual basis. Counseling is often in the domain of psychology that comes into the realm of the natural man that encompass the mind, the will and one’s emotions.
The bible clearly tells us that the natural mind is God’s enemy! See romans 8:1-9, particularly verse 7.

We are spirit beings. We possess a soul that comprises the mind, the will and the emotions and we live in a human physical body.  I believe that we should ensure that the spirit is doing well and is healthy and then renew our minds by the word of God. Romans 12:2 and Ephesians 4:22-25 are classic examples.

To the best of my ability, I share what the bible says on a given matter and only that. I strive to avoid denominational prejudices and biases, so it is up to the hearer to listen, receive what the word itself says and then make up their own mind.

So much for the preamble. The reason I am writing this is because I have been asked some pertinent and often perplexing questions. One dear friend telephoned recently and was talking to my wife. I was present and heard the conversation as the caller asked my wife where a certain bible verse could be found. I told them and the Lord suddenly told me to prepare this study!

This is the result. Someone must need it.

GOD loves weddings! He invented marriage! From the beginning, His blueprint was for one man and one woman to be united—male and female of the human species—for the purpose of procreation. At the risk of being classed as homophobic and the like, same sex marriage, is to me, abhorrant to God. The human body and other species clearly reveals that in order to creat a new life, two females or two male simply cannot reproduce. Of course such a couple can adopt a child, but it is not in the natural order of things. We need not elaborate more than that. You can see the record in the first few chapters of Genesis.

           God said:

      Let us make humankind, in our image, according to our likeness!

      Let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, the fowl of the heavens, animals, all the earth, and all crawling things that crawl about upon the earth!

        So God created humankind in his image, in the image of God did he create it, male and female he created them.

      God blessed them,God said to them:

      Bear fruit and be many and fill the earth and subdue it!

      Have dominion over the fish of the sea, the fowl of the heavens, and all living things that crawl about upon the earth! Genesis 1:26-28

The first thing God did after creating the man and the woman was to bless them! From the outset, God revealed His intention for mankind to be blessed and to walk in the blessing. He blessed Them (a man and a woman. Adam and Eve; not Adam and Steve) and issued a command to be fruitful and multiply. Such fruitfulness is impossible without heterosexual intercourse. That’s how we are designed. The devil has twisted everything and we now have all kinds of aberrations that I need not elaborate on.

In God, marriage takes on spiritual significance. It is figurative of Christ’s union with the Church.

         Don’t be afraid, for you won’t be ashamed; don’t be discouraged, for you won’t be disgraced. 

    You will forget the shame of your youth, no longer remember the dishonor of being widowed. 

           For your husband is your Maker, ADONAI-Tzva’ot is his name. 

    The Holy One of Isra’el is your Redeemer. 

    He will be called the God of all the earth. Isaiah 54:4-5

         You will no longer be spoken of as ‘Azuvah [Abandoned] or your land be spoken of as ‘Sh’mamah [Desolate]; rather, you will be called Heftzi-Vah [My-Delight-Is-In-Her] and your land Be‘ulah [Married]. 

    For ADONAI delights in you, and your land will be married—as a young man marries a young woman, 

    your sons will marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over the bride, your God will rejoice over you.

Isaiah 62:4-5

For such reasons, I believe that He also loves weddings. Jesus’ first miracle was at a wedding when He turned water into wine.
ON THE third day there was a wedding at Cana of Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. 

 Jesus also was invited with His disciples to the wedding. John 2:1-2 

John said that Jesus was invited! So too were His disciples. He does not gatecrash! If you do not invite Him, He does not force His way onto you. There was a joke that said the Lord came up to the devil who was sitting at the door of a church and he was crying. The Lord asked him what was wrong and the devil said, “They won’t let me in there”. The Lord sat down beside him and said, “Move over. They won’t let me in either.” I sometimes sound critical, but, sad to say, this is true. If you doubt this read, the message to the 7 churches in Revelation. It’s real! Revelation 3 says-

“Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends. 

 Those who are victorious will sit with me on my throne, just as I was victorious and sat with my Father on his throne. 

 “Anyone with ears to hear must listen to the Spirit and understand what he is saying to the churches.”
Revelation 3:20-22 

I once preached this as a salvation message, but it is not! It is addressed to a church! Jesus is asking the people to let Him in! Richard Roberts, the son of Oral Roberts (now home with the Lord) said at the Kenneth Copeland minster’s conference last January, “The Lord told me that He wants His Church back!” He’s working on it! It is happening!

Weddings usually took place over an extended period, often for several days. Guests arrived at the venue to be welcomed and provided a wedding garment to wear on the occasion. Food and drink was provided to care for the guests, so when that wine ran out, it presented a problem that amounted to insulting them. They faced a very embarrassing situation.

For general information, the term relating to marriage first appears in Genesis 34:8, but the idea as seen in Genesis 2:24 was that a man should leave his parent and cleave to his wife and that they would become one flesh. Jesus reinforced this in Matthew 19:5-6 and Mark 10:8. He used marriage in parable form in Matthew 22:2 and the parable of the ten virgins in Matthew 25 to talk about His second coming.

Weddings were indeed very important. We hear terms like the bride of Christ. In Ephesians chapter five, Paul talks about the love husbands should have for their wives and links Christ with the Church, then says-

Husbands, have love for your wives, even as Christ had love for the church, and gave himself for it; 

 So that he might make it holy, having made it clean with the washing of water by the word, 

 And might take it for himself, a church full of glory, not having one mark or fold or any such thing; but that it might be holy and complete

 Even so it is right for husbands to have love for their wives as for their bodies. He who has love for his wife has love for himself: 

 For no man ever had hate for his flesh; but he gives it food and takes care of it, even as Christ does for the church; Because we are parts of his body

 For this cause will a man go away from his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. 

 This is a great secret: but my words are about Christ and the church

 But do you, everyone, have love for his wife, even as for himself; and let the wife see that she has respect for her husband. Ephesians 5:25-33 

This is one reason why the devil hates marriage and is working hard to warp, twist and discredit it.

Marriage with unbelievers was forbidden. God was very clear about His requirements in the Old Testament. Even today, if marriage is god-designed, it is crazy why people will never ensure that they marry the right people. The term unequally yoked is very real and the affects are powerful. God has a special someone for each and every one of us. His choice is perfect, but we often race into a relationship that He never established. Some Christians do not seem to pray about it, but race into a marriage that God did not ordain! Little wonder they have marital problems.

Come with me to Genesis 24. This is where Abraham sent his man on a special assignment. He was to find a wife for his son. His instructions were very precise. The woman had to come from the right family tree and had to possess certain characteristics. It was so serious, Abraham made the servant swear an oath. He found Rebekah. He couldn’t pick just any woman—she had to be the Right One

I’ll explain shortly, but backtrack to Genesis 12. God had instructed Abram to go to a land that He would reveal. Abram got there, but when famine came, he moved to Egypt. God did not tell him to do that! You do not need to be a rocket scientist to realize that Abram was getting out from under the umbrella of God’s provision and protection. Some folk move on because they find it is too hard for them there, but did God tell them to move? If they can’t handle things where they are now, it is unlikely they will handle things any better somewhere else. All they do is take their problems with them.

Unless the Lord is in it—don’t!

Abram moved on and away from the place where God had sent him and trouble came. He lied about his wife and Pharaoh took her.

What you compromise on, you will often lose!

God stepped in and Pharaoh was forced to return her to her rightful husband. The same thing happened with Isaac. He too lied about his wife and Abimelech took her. God told him that he was a dead man for that   and he returned Rebeka to Isaac. The account is in Genesis 26. This is a serious matter.

The principle still applies to this day. The message is about choosing the right spouse.

Why it is so serious is that God had made a covenant promise with Abraham that affects us today?

The promise was to come down the line to Jesus and hence to us. We are heirs of the promise.

If the devil was aware God was planning something (that he could not prevent), the only way he can function is to use man by manipulation, theft and deception.

Perhaps he thought that if he could contaminate the gene pool there and then, the pure blood line to the Messiah would be contaminated. If that happened, the plan of salvation would be thwarted.

If the servant had picked any other woman and not Rebekah, Isaac’s heir might not have been Jacob and so Israel might not have existed. Joseph may never have been born. What family line would Moses have come from? The family tree is extremely important. They asked such questions as, “What tribe do you come from and to what house do you belong?”

To qualify as a priest, the man had to possess certain requirements that are listed in Leviticus 21. One of them was the ability to become a father. This ensured that the blood line was kept pure and maintained.

If you marry the wrong person a whole can of worms can be opened up. Let us use Fred and Freda as an example. God’s choice for Fred was Freda, but she married Bill instead. The children between Fred and Freda will never be born. Their grandchildren will never be born. Fred could marry Mary instead, so they have children who should be born to others! Mary’s rightful husband may never meet her. Marrying the wrong person can cheat others from their destiny! Someone’s selfish or rash actions by picking the wrong person can cheat whole generations out of their blessing and inheritance.
This saga can thus get very messy, but it happens every day. 

This is why even to this day, when we meet someone romantically, we need to consider a whole range of things and not jump into a relationship lightly. Society today accepts low and slack standards. There are dating agencies and web sites and, if I can be blunt, are often an excuse to find one night stands and casual relationships. One of the things God says about such matters is this-

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. Hebrews 13:4 

When Marjorie and I met, there was no romantic involvement. We shook hands. I behaved like a perfect gentleman and opened the car door for her which I still do (‘cause I am a perfect gentleman!).
Our only dates were at Christian conventions. It was not until we attended a Kenneth Copeland convention (the last big convention he held in Australia) that marriage started to enter the equation. On the last night, Kenneth was speaking and suddenly stopped. He asked everyone to stand and hold hands. We were sitting in the ministers’ section and when we held hands, a powerful anointing fell on us and we struggled to stand. Shortly after, we looked around and found we were the only people still standing. Kenneth had resumed preaching and we sat down, slightly embarrassed.

Days later, the Lord woke me one evening in my “granny flat” unit and told me that He had chosen Marjorie for my wife and that we would be traveling the world and ministering together. I went ‘“Huh? How am I going to tell her that? She will think that I have lost the plot.”

When we finally got to talk about it, I found out that the Lord had told her the same things that same night. She apparently told him, “I don’t know the man” and He replied, “But I do. Marry the man.”

We procrastinated. I didn’t want to get involved. She didn’t want to get involved and late one evening, the Lord told me, Robert. As far as I am concerned, you are already married in My sight.” When I told her, she had more presence of mind than I and asked the obvious. “If that is so, then when were we married?”
He told us it was at that Kenneth Copeland meeting. He told us then to stop procrastinating and get on with the church service to make things legal (people often just live together  nowadays and that’s wrong sin!
We spoke with Marjorie’s pastor and he arranged a compatibility test that all couples should take.

We sat in his office and completed the forms that were in multiple choice questions whilst he read something. He sent them away for assessment and called us back in to his office on their arrival and told us that if he had not been there, he could have thought we cheated. Our answers were 99.9% identical.

Not long thereafter we were married and are finding that we are so alike it is not funny.

Our marriage is a role model, a blessing and an inspiration to many.

I share that to illustrate that God can arrange things and makes the right choices of our partners in life—if we trust Him and wait!

It might not happen like that for everyone, but I used this to show how believers should seek the Lord about their spouse, before jumping into anything.

THE logical follow-on from here is the issue of being unequally yoked. I know that well-meaning believers relate to non-believers with the view that they might convert them. That is false. More often than not, the non-believer drags the believer down to their own level. Water finds its own level, you know. No matter how sincere the believer is or how much is attempted, they usually fail.
You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t force it to drink. The problem is, as I shall soon touch on, is that the two people belong to a totally different world. God’s word is the answer-

“When the LORD your God brings you into the land that you are entering to take possession of it, and clears away many nations before you, the Hittites, the Girgashites, the Amorites, the Canaanites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites, seven nations more numerous and mightier than you, 

 and when the LORD your God gives them over to you, and you defeat them, then you must devote them to complete destruction. You shall make no covenant with them and show no mercy to them. 

 You shall not intermarry with them, giving your daughters to their sons or taking their daughters for your sons, for they would turn away your sons from following me, to serve other gods. Then the anger of the LORD would be kindled against you, and he would destroy you quickly. Deuteronomy 7:1-4 

Therefore, be very strong to keep and to do all that is written in the Book of the Law of Moses, turning aside from it neither to the right hand nor to the left, that you may not mix with these nations remaining among you or make mention of the names of their gods or swear by them or serve them or bow down to them, but you shall cling to the LORD your God just as you have done to this day. 

 For the LORD has driven out before you great and strong nations. And as for you, no man has been able to stand before you to this day. 

 One man of you puts to flight a thousand, since it is the LORD your God who fights for you, just as he promised you. 

 Be very careful, therefore, to love the LORD your God. 

 For if you turn back and cling to the remnant of these nations remaining among you and make marriages with them, so that you associate with them and they with you, know for certain that the LORD your God will no longer drive out these nations before you, but they shall be a snare and a trap for you, a whip on your sides and thorns in your eyes, until you perish from off this good ground that the LORD your God has given you. Joshua 23:6-13

See also Ezra 9, particularly verse 12 and Nehemiah 13:23-30.

This is speaking about separation. I am not talking about legalism!  No matter which way we put it, we are different and are supposed to be different by design. It is not because we have an erroneous superiority attitude, but because we are no longer our own, having been bought with a price. We have been espoused to another and He wants us to be pure. God Is a jealous God!

In 1 Corinthians 6, Paul spoke about lawsuits between believers in a few verses but the majority of what he said next is about sex and marriage.

Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, 

 or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people—none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God. 

 Some of you were once like that. But you were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made right with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. 

 You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything. 

 You say, “Food was made for the stomach, and the stomach for food.” (This is true, though someday God will do away with both of them.) But you can’t say that our bodies were made for sexual immorality. They were made for the Lord, and the Lord cares about our bodies. 

 And God will raise us from the dead by his power, just as he raised our Lord from the dead. 

 Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never! 

 And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one.” 

 But the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him. 

 Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. 

 Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

1 Corinthians 6:9-20 

Paul continued, making full use of the next chapter about marriage. He never married, but gained great insight into marriage by personal observation and by revelation that came direct from the Lord.
Such revelation affirmed his own personal opinions. He opens with a statement that says every man should have his own wife—to avoid fornication. Let’s face it; we are all created with natural needs and desires, one of which is sexual gratification. That’s OK, because it is God’s design. After all, He created males and females with the aim of human reproduction—but within the confines of a Godly ordained marriage. Anything outside that is taboo. Certain religious groups demand celibacy amongst the priests, but this is contrary to the revealed will of God. Now, because of how things are, including the natural desires within, it has created a controversy, leading in many instances to legal action of all kinds. Is is scandalous and puts a slur on the things of God because non-believers see that and judge all Christianity on such behavior.

It includes more than child abuse. It embraces misuse of wealth and power also.

This brings me to the part that started this whole exercise. The issues are on the lines of what one does when married to a non-believer. It’s tricky! It’s sensitive! I will try to answer on two lines, one of which is on the issue of what happens when we are born again. The other will touch on how God looks at the couple, because they are supposed to be One Flesh! He is not dealing with an individual necessarily but to a single entity that is made up of a male and a female.

LET us start with the first marriage; that is, of Adam and Eve. They were the prototype. What I want to show you could be a surprise. It could certainly give you some answers as to why we are like we are.

And Elohim said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the heavens, and over the livestock, and over all the earth and over all the creeping creatures that creep on the earth.”

And Elohim created the man in His image, in the image of Elohim He created him—male and female He created them.

And Elohim blessed them, and Elohim said to them, “Bear fruit and increase, and fill the earth and subdue it, and rule over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the heavens, and over all creatures moving on the earth.”

And Elohim said, “See, I have given you every plant that yields seed which is on the face of all the earth, and every tree whose fruit yields seed, to you it is for food. Genesis 1:26-29

God said that He would create man and then said let them. He created The Man in His image and then said that He created male and female. Now He created one only human being, not a man and a woman.
We now see the second phase-

And יהוה Elohim said, “It is not good for the man to be alone, I am going to make a helper for him, as his counterpart.”

And from the ground יהוה Elohim formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name.

So the man gave names to all livestock, and to the birds of the heavens, and to every beast of the field. But for the man there was not found a helper for him, as his counterpart. Genesis 2:18-20

Here it seems that this person was one person only...a man, but what kind of man?

So יהוה Elohim caused a deep sleep to fall on the man, and he slept. And He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place.

And the rib which יהוה Elohim had taken from the man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.

 And the man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. This one is called ‘woman,’ because she was taken out of man.”

For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

And they were both naked, the man and his wife, yet they were not ashamed. Genesis 2:21-25

The word used for rib is ṣēlāʿ. This word relates in many ways to a side of something. It could be the side of a hill or a building, or even a door. It even refers to the sides of the ark of the covenant! There has to be enormous symbolism involved here. God could have created a male man and a female man, but he created a man! Why? Remember that God is always working to a plan.

God created woman by taking “a rib” from Adam while he was in a very deep sleep. Conceivably this means that God took a good portion of Adam’s side, since the man considers the woman to be “bone of his bones” and flesh of his flesh (Genesis 2:21). This picture describes the intimacy between man and woman as they stand equal before God. Since God made the woman, she is responsible to him in worship. She is not a mere extension of man; she possesses a unique individuality in her own right. There is no indication that woman is inferior. On the other hand, since her body is made from man’s, there is a continuity between the two with the result that they can find a fulfilling relationship only in one another, but never with the same intensity in any other part of creation. Therefore woman’s origin makes it possible for a man and a woman to establish a dynamic relationship in which they become “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).

We know now because of modern science, that we possess DNA, genes and something called Chromosomes.

There are 23 pairs of chromosomes in the human body. This includes 22 pairs of chromosomes that are common to both men and women and one chromosome that differs according to what gender a person is. We call them sex chromosomes.

The sex chromosomes are the X chromosome and the Y chromosome. In a man, both an X and a Y chromosome are present, giving an XY configuration. In a woman, there are two X chromosomes, giving an XX configuration. The X chromosome is therefore one of the two sex chromosomes that determines an individual’s gender.

The X chromosome contains over 153 million base pairs, that are the building blocks of DNA.

In women, the X chromosome represents almost 5% of the total DNA and in men, who have only one X chromosome, it represents about 2.5% of the total DNA.

Men inherit the X chromosome they have from their mother and the Y chromosome from their father, while women inherit one X chromosome from the mother and the other from the father.

There are around 2000 genes located on the X chromosome and genetic research is focused on identifying these genes. This compares with 78 genes on the Y chromosome out of approximately 20,000 to 25,000 present in the human genome.

Is it possible that God created Adam as a being with both male and female qualities in the same body? Genesis says that He made the woman, but He created the man. Did God perform some kind of gene/DNA/chromosome rearranging, by taking them out of the male part of man and injecting them into the female?

It makes sense to me. It explains why we have the urge to be united with a spouse and why we feel as if part of us is missing when we are separated. I know that when Marjorie and I are separated, even if only temporarily when out shopping or something, we miss each other. We could be in different aisles and when we catch a glimpse of each other—it is like joy unspeakable. Why? We’re adults. We can look after ourselves, but when one is not around, it feels that part of me is missing. It is!

In my research, I discovered how these X-Y chromosomes, Genes and DNA are intricately woven into the pattern that makes! Perhaps we can now understand why finding the right mate in life is vitally important and how marrying the wrong person can wreck this sensitive balance of things.

I say to Christians now—do not marry anyone unless you have first received permission or instruction from the Lord.

If you haven’t found Mr right or Mrs perfect yet...wait. God knows where they are and He can bring you together.

THIS now brings us to some practical stuff—the issues of being married to someone who is not on the same page you are. It is an intense and diverse matter, because there are so many variables. You are unique. There is no one else like you on the earth. The same goes for your spouse.

It would be easy for me to tell you “Don’t marry them” to start with, but if you already are, here is where you stand.

I speak to those who are already married and then become born again. When you are born again, you are translated out of one kingdom and placed in another. Paul says in Colossians 1:13 that God has taken us out of the power of darkness and translated us into the kingdom of His dear Son. God has removed us from that old system and placed us in what we could perhaps describe as a totally different dimension.

Like the sci-fi movies, you are now living in a totally different dimension.

This is where everything functions God’s Way.

The unsaved spouse however is still living in that Other Dimension. He or she is still the love of your life, but the problem is that your spouse can’t see what you can see and is not motivated by the things you are.

His or her spirit man is still dead, just as you once were. He or she is still the same person you married, so you have a duty or an obligation of remaining faithful and so on. Hopefully your spouse still loves you—but can’t understand why you have become different. “You’ve got religion; That’s what it is.”

OK, you are keen and eager and want your other half to become a Christian also. What does one do? You beat up on your spouse telling him or her to come to church with you. You tell them to quit smoking or drinking, but they do not know why. You are living in different dimensions—that’s why.
They just do not understand. I’ve painted a picture of sorts.

Where do you stand and where does your spouse stand now?

Well, let’s see what the word of God tells us. Come back to 1 Corinthians 7. Here the Lord commands through Paul (it is not his personal opinion) that if it is possible—remain married. Don’t tell the other person to leave. See verses 10-13. Verse 14 says why!

The believer, who now lives in a different dimension has an anointing they never had before. God has come to live inside. His presence can “radiate” out of you, without you having to do a thing. There should be a light inside you whereas darkness once existed. There is an should be an inner peace inside you, that, even when all hell is breaking loose around you, keeps you going. Don’t forget—the unsaved spouse can’t understand it, but should detect something at least. Even if it takes years for manifestation to become evident, God inside you can be like an umbrella that covers you—and extends out to cover the household.

God makes the rain to fall on everyone. Good, bad or indifferent, the blessing of the Lord can and does touch everyone to a certain extent, like that rain. He or she can shelter under your umbrella to help preserve them long enough to give them a chance to become saved with you.
That’s roughly what verse 14 says. Verse 16 says that the believing spouse can be instrumental in the salvation of the unbelieving spouse—but don’t you try to convert them. That’s the work of the Holy Spirit. It’s not our job and by trying to get them saved too can often have the reverse affect.

What you can do is to pray—but pray the prayer of faith that is based on a scripture that God has given you. See your spouse with the eye of faith sitting in church with you. Picture your desired result in God and do not let circumstances dictate terms to your faith. Find out from the Lord what you are to do. Whatever it is that the Lord shows you; do it.

Paul said that if the unbeliever departs; let them go! It hurts I know, but you have a different perspective in life now with a hope and a future. Paul said that you are then released because you are not under bondage.

I hasten to add that I am not saying to leave your spouse. I am merely saying that if your spouse decides to take off, you have fulfilled your part of the deal and God will honor that.

Remember that divorce is not the answer. If your spouse does divorce you, then you are released and, should the occasion arise, can remarry if you wish.

Remember that the ultimate aim is to provide a “temporary covering” over your spouse until such time he or she is also saved.

Now there is another situation that is not pleasant. It is in the case of abuse and drunkenness. What does a woman do when her husband drinks and becomes violent? Her personal safety is paramount. Does she stay there and keep suffering, at the risk of permanent injury or even death? What of the children? 

Sadly, when a woman is in such a situation, she stays there “for the sake of the children” or puts up with it because she has nowhere else to go. If she runs out, she often does not have support. There are the factors of housing, food and clothing for the kids and their education to weigh up. I’d hate to have to face those things. She could of course get a court order issued for her protection, but what would happen if he got drunk and bashed her up, despite that order? Its a very touchy subject.

I wish there were some pat answers, but I don’t know them. Everyone’s situation and every circumstance is different and each family structure has to be weighed up accordingly.

My personal opinion and it is my own opinion only, is to preserve the marriage if at all possible, but when her life is constantly under threat...I’d get out.

Let me close with a positive note however.

If you are married and your spouse is not saved, treasure your relationship if possible with the aim that he or she will one day join you. Seek the Lord for specific bible references for your own personal situation and ask Him for His plan so that you can work to that.

When you pray for your spouse, speak those bible verses God gave you. That’s His personal word to you.

Don’t nag.

Strive to maintain a harmonious relationship, but do not put up with garbage. Try to talk it over and explain how you feel, but do not accuse him or her for doing what they are doing.

Keep seeing what God thinks of marriage.

From His viewpoint, marriage is a covenant and because He is a covenant making and a covenant keeping God, is keenly interested in your relationship. 

I hope that I have provided some information and perhaps some advice that is helpful.



Dear friends, if you are hoping one day to find your perfect partner in life, pray about it. Ask God to lead you to him or her and when you do meet, do not be hasty in running into marriage. Cultivate the relationship. Learn about each other. Find the vision God has for your life together and work towards that. Finally, something that should not need mention, but it is necessary...stay pure until you are married.

Invite the Lord into your marriage and into your home and love each other...

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